


Not the brightest bulb...

by Skyforged (Travelilah)



Series: Naturally [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Wintershock that is shocking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 10:38:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15628920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Travelilah/pseuds/Skyforged
Summary: It’s such a struggle. She can’t believe she is having this conversation, she is having to explain what she thought was a fairly self-explanatory contraption to Bucky. But apparently, he wasn’t the brightest bulb with this sort of thing.





	Not the brightest bulb...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SlytherinStarkRavingMad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinStarkRavingMad/gifts).



> Crack. Pure crack. First Wintershock Story, enjoy :)
> 
> Edit: Uh, wow! Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos <3

Darcy is halfway through her Subway foot-long when her phone starts to ding. Grumbling to herself, through a mouthful of lettuce and avocado, she spares a glance down at the screen. Before it fades to black she catches a glimpse that it’s from Pidgeon Man—her lovely little home made nickname for Sam. 

 

She shrugs it off and resumes stuffing her face with multigrain goodness. Seriously, it was a proverbial gift from the gods. Except, that Thor had probably never heard of Subway, so not really…but that did get her thinking. What would count as a divine sandwich?

 

Her deep philosophical thoughts are interrupted by her phone going off  _ again _ . 

 

Rolling her eyes, she blatantly refuses to even look at her phone. She can’t have five seconds of peace and quiet around here. Murphy’s Law had to say that when she took time for her break, she would be flooded with messages. Also, she is already committed to her sandwich food and she will finish it, even if it kills her or someone is trying to tell her that a Lab is on fire. 

 

_ Ding. _

 

“Oh fer’ fucks sake,” she grumbles with a mouthful and reaches out to grab the stupid device off the mountain of Lab Reports and incident forms that look like they are going to collapse over any second now. 

 

Unlocking the screen with a quick swipe of her thumb, she jumps into the  _ Messages  _ app. Her eyes dart to the three newest ones that have come through. 

 

She furrows her brows in confusion when she notices who they are from. One is from Pidgeon Man, another one from Clint and one from Nat. All of whom are meant to be on a mission and on a communication blackout, which just makes it all the more worrying that they would be messaging her. 

 

The previews do stir her curiosity though. As she can see that Nat’s contains laughing emojis and thumbs up, Clint’s has a image attached to it. Sam’s is the only one with anything text wise in it, so she goes for that one to read first. 

 

**Pidgeon Man: Lewis, you have outdone yourself on this one. Seriously!**

 

She stares at the message for a few more seconds but still can’t bring herself to understand what it means. What has she done recently that would make Sam be sending her this?

 

Nothing came to mind.

 

Shrugging it off, she went back to read the other messages, starting with Nat’s.

 

**Nat** : **XD XD XD :D**

 

Okay...things were really getting strange. She hadn’t done anything to make the team laugh that she knew of. Unless there was a live stream going of her inhaling the foot-long sucker in one breath. 

 

Not so subtly raising her hand up to cover her mouth, her eyes dart around the office in futile hope of locating whatever camera could be in place. There is no glinting reflection from a black lens that stands out though, other than the standard security camera that is in the corner. Then again, the people that are messaging her are super-spy assassins so any surveillance tech that they have hidden, won’t be found by the likes of her. 

 

Sighing and seeing there is nothing for it but to check out the message that Clint has sent, Darcy takes another large bite of her sandwich and downloads the image. 

 

She chokes on her sandwich as soon as the picture is fully loaded. Coughing and spluttering, she throws down her sandwich and grabs her phone in both hands. 

 

She wants to disbelieve what she is seeing but, she can’t. It’s not a doctored image. There is no way the expressions in the photo could be fake. Because in the picture is Bucky, love of her life and hunky Winter Soldier. Next to him is Clint. 

 

It looks like a fairly average photo, Bucky however has sheer confusion spread across his face and Clint is smiling with a thumbs up next to him. It is what is in Bucky’s hand that has Darcy’s face paling and realising what all the messages are about and why Sam and Nat are laughing. 

 

In Bucky’s hand is a fleshlight. The one that she had sent him, since she was a good girlfriend and he had been away on mission for two weeks and missing her, as he told her, it was more than just her hugs that he was missing. 

 

So being the creative kind of gal that she is, she had gone out, and well, done the things and sent him a personalised fleshlight. That was in his hand and had apparently been seen by the whole team. 

 

Darcy slams her head into the desk. Her face going red with utter humiliation. Her life is over. Completely over. She cannot face any of the Avengers ever again. 

 

_ Bzzt, Bzzt, bzzt. Bzzt. _

 

Raising her head slightly from the pit of embarrassment she was sinking into, she can see that Bucky is calling her. 

 

“God,” she moans, resuming to bang her head against the wood. 

 

Hesitantly reaching out, she pulls the phone to her ear and answers it.

 

“Hi my dude,” she answers. “Miss you.” She is trying to sound normal, she really is, but she is unable to keep the tone of utter misery out of her voice. 

 

“ _ Hey doll,” _ Bucky drawls back only the way he can in his Brooklyn accent that would normally make her weak at the knees. 

 

There is an awkward silence before they both go to speak at the same time. 

 

“I’m so sorry for—”

 

“Why have you sent me—”

 

Darcy quickly takes the chance to jump in. “No, you go. What were you going to say?”

 

He chuckles before he says, “ _ Just wanting to have a chat about that latest flashlight that you sent me.” _

 

Darcy feels her stomach dropping even further and like she wants to become an ostrich so she can just hide her head, no her whole body in the sand, so she doesn’t have to face this shit storm. 

 

“Ughhh,” she moans back in way of reply. “I am not sure there is really any easy way to explain this…”

 

_ “Could you please try, doll? Because the others are laughing and laughing it up but they won’t tell me what is wrong with it. I mean, what kind of flashlight doesn’t have buttons or a light bulb? I keep trying to turn it on but it won’t work.” _

 

He says it so sweetly, that she can feel the guilt starting to stab her in the heart. God, she is a terrible girlfriend, she should have forewarned him what she was sending or included a note or...God. 

 

She knows there isn’t anything else for it. She is going to have to explain what it is, to her poor clueless boy out of time. 

 

She licks her lips and pulling up all of the courage that she has left, she takes the plunge.  _ “ _ Buck, that isn’t a flashlight, its a—uh. Fuck. I can’t—”

 

It’s such a struggle. She can’t believe she is having this conversation, she is having to explain what she thought was a fairly self-explanatory contraption to Bucky. But apparently he wasn’t the brightest bulb with this sort of thing. 

 

_ “Doll, what’s wrong?” _ he asks, concern forefront in his tone and again, she feels so bad. He is so innocent. 

 

She takes a sharp breath and just blurts it out, before she stop herself. “It’s a fleshlight not a flashlight!”

 

_ “Huh?” _

 

Darcy bangs her head against the desk once more and knows there is nothing for it. She is going to have to give the Winter Soldier a talking to on the wonders of modern sex toys and how his whole team now knew about their sex life. 

 

Fucking A. 

  
  
  



End file.
